The girl, who was leaves…

It was a mistake. We shouldn’t have been here. In this house, with so many people. I don’t even know them. Though I know that we all wish for the same under this roof. Protection. Safety. Fear is what brings this old man in the corner next to the door, his hair so heavy from fat, his clothes that probably used to have colors ,but are now only shadows of brown and grey, his eyes half closed, eitheir from tiredness or being drunk and this baby, sleeping in her mother’s arms, oblivious to everything, together. The mother is frowning, rapidly gazing at everyone, like a lioness, ready to attack and defend her infant against any danger that can appear at any corner.

At least 30 people in one room, which is used to be the living room of this house. It is dark. The street lights penetrating through the windows like a wizard, partially lightens the gloomy faces and what is left of the furnitures. It is slient, except of the momentious sounds of the baby. Nobody dares to speak. Me neither and I don’t know why. It feels like an unwritten rule of this place. No sound, no light. Just waiting.

The baby makes a high pitch sound and moves irritated in her mother’s arms. I turn to her and watch the pure love and care of a mother, standing unpassable like a mountain even in such place. The baby is still asleep, but smiling instinctively to her mother’s tender hand on her cheeks. And her face shines. It shines so bright, like the moon itself entered the room. It shines brighter and brighter, until her face disappears in the ball of light. Isn’t every child a ball of light?

Everybody stands up in panic, looking hypnotized to the light shining through the windows. Everybody is frozen like stone statues, like the dead furnitures. My body feels catatonic from fear, my eyes blinded by the light. Nobody moves. Where can we move? There is no way to go except outside. And there is where they are. The lights of their jeeps shouting in our ears that this is the end. The game is over. Their game. We have never wanted to play. And.. What is the game?

The door opens. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. It is still so silent. My breath sounds like a waterfall each time I exhale. Who opened the door? Somebody should have opened it from inside, accepting the inevitable. I hear the footsteps entering the room. One, two, one, two. Only one man? I don’t dare to open my eyes to look. The last thing I remember should be the ball of light, the baby. He comes closer. Yes, it is just one man. All this fear, all this horror. Only for one man? A room of people trembling for one man? Why doesn’t anybody stop him? “We outnumber him!” I want to shout. “Won’t you even try?” I want to scream to the mother.

Then I feel a hand on my shoulder. My knees feel like crumbled stone. I feel a ball of fire in my chest. The hand, I always imagined to have claws, gently moves down my arm and grabs mine. Nobody has ever touched me that gently. His hand is warm. His fingers so soft. Not harsh and corsted like a monster. They feel like… More like a lover. Not that I know how a lover’s hands would feel though. I have never had one.

I open my eyes. I want to see his face, even if for few seconds. I want to see the person who gave me the warmest touch I have ever received. His eyes meet mine, as tender as his hands. I can’t distinguish their color. It is too dark, but he doesn’t have darkness in them.

And he smiles. Nobody has ever smiled that loving to me. I see love in his eyes. So much love that I dare to speak.

“Please don’t hurt us. It was a mistake that we are here. Please forgive! Please let us go!” His eyes fill with concern. He shakes his head slowly like he is the one who should be saying sorry.

“No” he says. “No, you don’t understand.” He is right. I don’t understand. I have never understood the beginning of all of this either.

“ I am not here to hurt anyone. I have been searching for you. I came for you.” I don’t know what to ask and he sees that. “ Do you know what you are?” he asks, his smile is back. How tender he smiles.

My lips move, try to make a sound to form a word, but I don’t hear myself saying anything.

“Look” he says and embraces me. He embraces me so warm, so loving, so deep. I feel the warmth of tears on my cheeks and this time of bliss. He moves hinself back to say something but I pull him back.

“Please go on” I beg. “Nobody has ever hold me like this.”

“Look” whispers his warm breath in my ears. Upon his shoulder, I look at my hands holding him tight at his back. And I see them. The leaves. Growing on my hands. All shades of green, like in a forest. My thumb, my palm, my wrist. Fresh leaves growing out of my veins like magic lights of an elf.

I pull myself back and let him go, studying them in wonder. I grow leaves and it feels like bliss. I feel bliss. I am bliss.

He looks at my hands smiling and then into my eyes. “Do you understand it now? You are a tree. And I came to find you.” He pulls me and holds me tight again. I feel myself. I feel the tree, my leaves. How peaceful they are. I feel connected to somethingelse than myself and it makes everything so temperory. The time vanishes. I feel timeless.

All in a sudden the leaves start disappearing. As fast as they came, they dissolve like a ghost. I look at him in panic, but I can’t distinguish his face anymore. The leaves are vanishing and so is he. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. My breath sounds like a storm. My cheeks are wet.

I open my eyes back. I look at the cracked ground and then to the crumbling wall. Then to the cracked ceiling and to the rectangular hole that used to have a door. The sun light reaches until 20 cms from my matras, laying next to this wall since I found it. It should be at least 10 am. There is nothing in the room except the half blackened matras I am laying on and my wasted body. The gunshouts and the screams are still there, outside. Like last night, and the night before. I close my eyes and try to fall back to sleep. I want to be the tree. My breath sounds like dripping rain. My cheeks are wet.